Post by Gerry McDonnell

I detest Xmas. Previous year the wife bought me a ‘Rudolf’ umbrella just so she could use the line, ‘It appears line rain dear’. My determination to kick her out of the house was completely justified.

In a freakish coincidence, I saw yet another umbrella as a result of her mother’s gift. I can’t complain too considerably although, it had a road value of £35.

The Premiership’s really own ‘Rudolf’ will quickly be becoming a member of me in the miserable corner. Fergie’s title aspirations received a Hammer blow previous week the Villa can land a knockout strike at 9/two.

I’m taking the little ones to Villa Park to see young Rooney it’s the only way they’ll get to see a extra fat gentleman with a beard this Xmas. Get your claws into Petrov at 16/one to score the 1st target.

Apparently, the Chelsea players are spending a total of £5 on presents for every single other standard flash footballers. A win above Wigan at 4/nine could see the champions on best of the tree on Xmas day.

AC Milan president Silvio Berlusconi has sensationally labelled Andriy Shevchenko a ‘lap-dog’. At minimum the Chelsea flop is below the thumb of a tremendous-model I get ordered around by a mad Sweaty. I am nuts about the 4/one for a Drogba opener.

Everton have asked the FA to launch an enquiry into Jose Mourinho’s tirade in opposition to Andy Johnson I assume the FA’s report to have three words.

Like Jesus, Steve Coppell has performed absolute miracles this season. I can see Perusing finding the better of the Moyes boys at seven/five.

I was shocked to read that Anton Ferdinand produced out with Large Brother’s Aisleyne at West Ham’s Christmas do. It was not the reality that he was partying so quickly following Alan Pardew’s dismissal that upset me I just detest to picture unattractive folks kissing. I’m cuddling the nine/4 about a draw between Fulham and the Hammers.

Liverpool’s festive shindig looked a classy affair. Robbie Fowler dressed up as Saddam Hussein, Dirk Kuyt donned a Superman outfit and I’m guessing Peter Crouch came as the beanstalk. Jermaine Pennant wished to go as a highway robber but was told he needed fancy dress. You can’t disguise the reality that Liverpool will demolish Watford at 1/four.

Stevie Gerrard has been awarded the flexibility of the borough of Knowsley. A single perk is that he can freely drive his sheep down the major street Craig Bellamy would like a piece of that action. I want a piece of the 9/2 about Bellamy netting the opener.

In which would we be without having laughter? Viewing Soccer AM. I’m in hysterics at the 7/4 on provide for a Bolton win at Manchester City.

Could there be far more to Iain Dowie’s dismissal than meets the eye? There’s a rumour going around that he was sacked to steer clear of prospective mistletoe connected resignations at the Crimbo lash-up. That concept continues to be contentious couple of would argue with the 4/5 on supply for Boro at property to the Addicks.

Arsenal v Blackburn is as near as you can get to ‘Beauty and the Beast’ with no staring by way of my front window. The 4/eleven about the Gunners is merely beautiful.

Robbie Savage ought to be backed at 7/4 to select up a booking. It’s the only way he’ll get a card this Xmas.

I’m incredibly jealous of Matt Taylor. While i’ve been stuck at house with a Xmas pudding, the Pompey star has bagged a few of true crackers. The eight/13 on provide for a Portsmouth win over Sheffield United is so attractive I’m considering kicking the spouse out and moving it in.

I’m embarrassed to say that if Tottenham fail to win at St James’ Park, the youngsters are having bread and butter for their Christmas dinner. If Spurs come through at 7/4, I’m heading to splash out on a jar of strawberry jam.

I am so confident that the weekend accer of Arsenal, Boro, Pompey, Reading through and Chelsea will romp in at twelve/1 i’ve already compensated for the wife’s Christmas presents out of the winnings. There is a miniskirt and a weekend break in Ipswich underneath the tree.

About the Author

Gerry McDonnell is a specialist odds compiler, journalist and rescuer of little orphans.